Hey guys! I'm taking part of
The Color of Snow by Brenda Stanley blog tour! Thanks to
Tribute Books, we've got a lovely guest post from Brenda Stanley AS WELL as an excerpt from her novel!
Brenda Stanley's Bio:
Brenda Stanley is the former news
anchor at her NBC affiliate KPVI in Eastern Iadho. Her writing
has been recognized by the Scripps Howard Foundation, the Hearst
Journalism Awards, the Idaho Press Club and the Society for
Professional Journalists. She is a graduate of Dixie College in
St. George, Utah, and the University of Utah in Salt Lake City.
Brenda lived for two years in Ballard, Utah, within the Fort
Duchesne reservation where the novel is set. She and her husband
live on a small ranch near the Snake River with their horses and
dogs.
Find her at:
Brenda Stanley on The Color of Snow
The Color of Snow has been described as dark or
mysterious. I feel most of my writing fits this description
because I enjoy looking at the strange and unusual things in
life. My novel will definitely make some people uncomfortable. I
like to look at situations and issues and try to figure out how
people will react. For years I was a crime reporter, so I enjoy
investigating stories and learning about the parts of life most
people try to hide. When I wrote
The Color of Snow, I was
working on a story about a young girl who went missing years ago
and has never been found. I started thinking about what would
happen if she were to suddenly show up now. I loved putting
myself in Sophie’s shoes and seeing things for the first time.
Sophie’s relationship with Damien is both intense and tempered.
Her father has raised her to believe that she will destroy anyone
who truly loves her, so she is torn between her love for Damien
and her fear of causing him harm.
The story changes between what is going on with Sophie and what
happened in her parent’s past that brought her to where she is. I
wanted readers to experience the often isolated feeling of living
in a vast rural area, but also the mental confinement of a small
town.
Mental illness, teen pregnancy, religious intolerance, and racism
are all big parts of
The Color of Snow. I like my
characters to face challenges and see them grow from them. It is
not only the conflicts with the other characters that keeps the
story going, but also those within the person’s own mind.
I wanted Sophie to be unusually beautiful so that people treated
her strangely and therefore made her feel even more alien when she
is first discovered. She has transformed from a tragic kidnapping
victim to a mythical ghost from the past and this makes her
transition into her new life even more difficult.
My ties to the Mormon Church go back to my great-great
grandparents. I was raised in the teachings of the Mormon
religion and even though I am no longer a member, I have many
friends and family who are still very active in the church. My
descriptions of the Mormon culture are how I view it and how I
feel someone who has never been exposed to it might see it. I
think there are a lot of people who are curious about the Mormon
religion and have misconceptions. I feel I’ve been both candid
and fair in my portrayal.
Summary:
Can a troubled young girl reenter society
after living in isolation?
When a beautiful 16-year-old girl named Sophie is found
sequestered in a cage-like room in a rundown house in the
desolate hills of Arbon Valley, Idaho, the entire community
is shocked to learn she is the legendary Callidora--a baby
girl who was kidnapped from her crib almost seventeen years
ago and canonized in missing posters with portraits of what
the fabled girl might resemble. Authorities soon learn that
the cage was there to protect people from Sophie, because
her biological father believes she is cursed.
Sophie is discovered after the man she knows as Papa, shoots
and injures Damien, a young man who is trying to rescue her.
Now, unsocialized and thrust into the world, and into a
family she has never met, Sophie must decide whether she
should accept her Papa’s claims that she is cursed and he
was only trying to protect others, or trust the new people
in her life who have their own agendas. Guided by a wise
cousin, Sophie realizes that her most heartbreaking
challenge is to decide if her love for Damien will destroy
him like her Papa claims, or free her from past demons that
haunt her mind.
The Color of Snow Excerpt
Malad, Idaho, early spring 2009
Spring had spread across the fields and pastures. Cottonwood trees
fluttered their newly sprouted greenery, and purple asters covered
the rolling hills. The snow had melted and Stephanie and I started
taking the horses on rides up the valley. It was incredibly
liberating to roam and wander without fear.
There was a trail leading from the foothills up into the forest,
and once we were in the midst of the wild spruce and lofty pines,
the noises of cars and life around the ranch disappeared. The
sound of hooves on early spring dirt was solid and steady. The
breeze was still crisp, but the sun reached down and warmed our
shoulders. For almost an hour we rode in silence. We both were in
awe of the day and the splendor that was ours alone to enjoy.
At the top of the hill, the trail opened up to a small plateau and
a blue mountain lake. I gasped at the incredible beauty of it. I
smiled at Stephanie and she nodded in acknowledgement. Her eyes
were bright and her freckles seemed to glow in the sunshine. The
horse she rode was a black mare my grandfather was going to sell.
Stephanie loved the white diamond-shaped patch on her forehead,
and scolded him for even thinking about selling Black Bean. My
horse was an old buckskin gelding named Clyde. He lumbered along
and rarely went faster than a slow trot, but for a beginner like
me he was perfect.
Stephanie turned her horse down the hill and toward the lake. “Do
you want to go swimming?” she called back.
“I don’t know how,” I answered.
She giggled as she reached the water’s edge. “You don’t need to.
The horses do it all.” Her hair was pulled into two short pigtails
and they bounced with each step of her horse.
I waited and watched as she urged Black Bean into the water and
out into the lake. As the water got deeper, the splashes became
larger around its legs as it pushed forward, and soon they were
floating along smoothly.
“Come on!” she yelled, waving me in. She had her legs pulled up on
the sides, trying to avoid getting completely soaked. They were
pale and freckled like her face, and seemed to make up most of her
body. Stephanie wasn’t much taller than I, but her legs and arms
were long and made her look gangly and even thinner than she was.
She waved so hard she almost fell off the horse, and started
laughing as she steadied herself.
It looked like fun, but I was terrified. The water was immense and
dark. The largest amount of water I had ever been in was my own
bathtub. I wondered what would happen if I fell off in the middle.
Stephanie and Black Bean were in the center of the lake and they
looked like a serene harmonious duo.
I gave Clyde a slight nudge and he walked to the shoreline. The
water lapped as I waited and watched Stephanie continue to beckon.
She looked like she was having a marvelous time and wasn’t worried
in the least. I patted Clyde and prodded him with the heels of my
sneakers. He seemed unconcerned as he clopped loudly into the
water. I took a deep breath and told myself to keep looking
forward and it would be okay. Clyde had no hesitation, which
helped ease my fear.
The sun beat down on us and made splashes of water light up as
Clyde moved forward into the water. The splatters that hit my
exposed skin were freezing and made me realize how cold it would
be if I did fall in. I fixed my eyes on the opposite shoreline and
put my faith in Clyde. The horse had a wide back, and as we got
deeper into the lake, I curled my legs back the way Stephanie did
and clung to his mane. We were riding bareback that day, because
Stephanie didn’t want to spend time putting on saddles.
I held my breath as we got further away from the shore and closer
to the very center of the lake. At one point I looked down,
staring deep into the abyss. There was no bottom, and I felt my
stomach turn, knowing I would surely die if I left Clyde’s back.
As the horse rhythmically propelled us along, I began to feel a
sense of buoyancy and freedom. When we crossed the center point
and were on our way to the other shore, my confidence turned to
elation. I started to breathe again and smiled at what I had
accomplished. I sat up straight, closed my eyes and imagined I was
flying, gliding along on my winged unicorn, soaring through clouds
and racing the wind. When I opened my eyes, I giggled at my
foolish imagination, but couldn’t help beaming at what an amazing
adventure it was.
When the horse’s hooves made contact with the lake bottom and we
started to emerge from the water, I wanted to burst from relief
and joy. “That was the most wonderful thing ever!”
Stephanie was sitting on a large tree limb that had fallen while
her horse munched on fresh new grass beside her. “I didn’t think
you’d do it. I’m proud of you.”
“It was so scary, but then it was so amazing.”
“I’m glad you liked it, because that’s how we’re getting back.”
We led the horses to a shaded area and tied them loosely to a tree
so they could rest and graze. Stephanie leaned back against a tree
and looked out at the incredible view of mountain-lined lake and
clear blue sky.
“This is where I go when I can’t stand life anymore. The first
time I came here, I tried to kill myself. I stole my dad’s gun and
had it all planned out. Then I sat here and looked around at all
this and thought...who would care? I’m nothing and no one would
miss me, so why do it? That’s when I decided to live for me. I do
what makes me happy now and screw the rest of them.”
“You were going to kill yourself. Why?”
Stephanie took a deep, labored sigh. “I didn’t see the point in
living. My mom was dead and my dad married that crazy bitch.” She
shrugged. “I don’t really fit in anywhere. Even at school, the
kids hate me.”
I shook my head. “I don’t believe that. There is no reason to hate
you.”
Stephanie scoffed. “You say that because you don’t know any
better. You don’t know what normal is. That’s why we get along.
I’m a freak, but you’ve never had any friends, so you don’t know
how weird I am.” She smiled.
“I’ve had friends,” I protested.
“Really? I thought you were kept alone at that house all the
time.”
I nodded.
Stephanie raised an eyebrow. “So, did your dad kidnap kids and
bring them home for you play with?”
My eyes went large, but then Stephanie laughed and I realized she
was joking. I paused for a moment, trying to pick my words
carefully.
“Don’t worry about me telling anyone. Remember, we’re best
friends, so you should be able to tell me anything. I’ve never
told anyone that I was going to kill myself.”
I looked at her with a mixture of love and concern. “I had two
friends. I met them when I was eleven. Their mother worked with my
father and they came to our house one day. That’s how they knew I
lived there. They lived over the hill from us and they came over
while Papa was at work and we played in my yard.” I stopped and
smiled at the memory.
“You had to hide them from your father. Why?”
“He was afraid that if people knew I was home alone all day, they
would come and take me away.”
“Didn’t it drive you crazy to be alone all the time?”
I shrugged. “Not really. When I met Donny and Damien I was much
happier. I didn’t know what it was like to have friends before I
met them, so I didn’t realize what I was missing.”
She studied me. “Isn’t Damien the kid your dad shot? Why’d he
shoot him? Did he catch him with you?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you just tell him that you two were friends and that
it was no big deal?"
“I tried to convince him, but...there is a lot you don’t
understand.”
Stephanie gave me a disappointed curl of her lip. “And I won’t be
able to understand if you keep everything a secret.”
I stayed silent.
“Sophie, I’ve already told you something that I never told anyone.
I trust you because we’re friends. That is what friends do. They
trust each other and they tell each other things. Do you think I
won’t believe you?”
“No, it’s not that. And I do trust you, but there are things that
will sound strange, and I don’t want you to think I’m a monster.”
She laughed. “You are the opposite of a monster. You’re friendly
and kind. People would love to be near you.”
I ran the word through my head several times. I wondered if the
statement had validity, because if it did, it explained some of
the things Papa told me that seemed unimaginable.
“So, what is this big dark secret? You say your father didn’t
kidnap you or treat you badly, so why did he keep you locked up in
that house hidden away from the world?”
I thought it was inconceivable that the two of us were best
friends. Stephanie had just confessed that she had almost ended
her life and now I was about to tell her how I had ended my
mother’s and one of my friends. My fears of being ostracized and
treated like a disease were still at the surface, but the thought
of releasing some of the weight with a person I trusted was like
having a balloon inflating inside me ready to burst. I felt my
secret was slowly killing me, and the only way I could get relief
was to talk about it. I was still scared that once it was out, it
would sprout wings and fly out of control.
“I’ll tell you, but you have to swear you’ll never tell anyone
else.”
“I swear. I swear on my stepmother’s grave,” she giggled.
I looked at her, worried that she wasn’t in the right mind frame
to hear what I had to say. My face must have showed it, because
Stephanie quickly lost her smile and leaned forward. She put her
hand on my shoulder. “God, Soph, I was just kidding. You look like
I just cursed her dead.”
I gasped and put my hand to my mouth. I felt an icy chill go down
my back and my heart jumped.
“What?” she asked.
“It’s what you said. That is why I had to hide all those years.”
“What I said? How could that be? I wasn’t even around.”
I was speechless and stunned. Just hearing the word made me dizzy.
I put my face in my hands and rocked back and forth, trying to
steady my nerves and my thoughts.
“Sophie, what’s wrong with you? You’re not making any sense. I
can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”
I stopped rocking, and looked up at her. “I’m so afraid to say
anything.”
“You have no reason to be afraid. I’m not going to tell anyone.
You’re my only friend!” She smiled. “You’ll go crazy if you keep
it all inside.”
“But what if you don’t want to be friends after I tell you?”
“That’s crazy.” She sat up on her knees and squared her body to
mine. She held my shoulders and made me look at her. “Here, think
about this. Imagine I’m the one telling you this big secret. If
that were the case, would we still be friends? Sophie?”
I realized I had drifted off. I blinked as I came back and smiled.
I had no reservations about how I would react if she were the one
telling it. Stephanie would be my friend regardless of her secrets
and I knew that she felt the same. So with the same strength I had
mustered to lead my horse into a deep dark lake, I pushed forward
and decided to reveal what had shaped my entire life. It would
either knock me into a cold, deep abyss, or I would cross it and
end up gaining the confidence I needed to take even more risks in
my life. I was willing to take that chance. I suddenly realized
that I had no idea where to start. It struck me as funny, and I
stopped and smiled to myself.
“You’re a tease!” she yelled. “Come on, out with it.”
“I don’t know where to start. There is so much to tell.”
She leaned back against the tree and put her arms behind her head.
“We have all day. They don’t expect us until dinner and I brought
food in my backpack. Spill it!”
I took a deep breath. “There is something terrible that happened a
long time ago and it’s the reason Papa and I had to hide all those
years.”
“Did he kill someone?” she asked, both horrified and intrigued.
“No,” I said firmly. “It’s not something we did, but something
that was done to us.”
Stephanie lowered an eyebrow. “What?”
“A curse.”
Her eyes shot wide open, but she gave me a sideways grin. “A
curse?”
“Yes. We had to hide away because Papa says we are a threat to the
people who love us.”
She cocked her head to the side. “How?”
I looked at the ground and felt my face flush. “I’m not sure, but
some of them have died.”
Stephanie reeled back. “They died? How?”
I shrugged. “Papa says it’s the reason my mother died and Donny.
He says we’re the reason.”
Stephanie shook her head. “You said he didn’t kill anyone.”
“It’s not us. It’s the curse that kills them.”
“How did they die?”
“Donny died when a dirt cave collapsed on him.” I felt a heavy
lump in my stomach. “I don’t know how my mother died. Papa never
talks about it.”
“Sounds to me like your father gave you a line to keep you in
line. There is no such thing as a curse.”
I felt rejected and embarrassed. It had taken every ounce of trust
I could muster to tell her and now she brushed it off. “Yes there
is.”
She furrowed her brows. “Did you push that kid into the cave?”
I shook my head. “No!”
Stephanie sat up straight. “Do you think that other kid was shot
because of this curse, too?”
I lowered my eyes. “Yes.”
She sat in silence, looking as if she was deep in thought. Several
times she began to talk and then stopped. She stood up and walked
in a circle. “That doesn’t make sense. If you say the curse kills
people who love you, then why am I still alive? And what about
your grandparents? Why aren’t we all dead?”
“I’m not sure. Sometimes it scares me. I don’t want to hurt
people, but I don’t want to be alone. Papa was trying to explain
it, but then we got caught. I’ve tried to figure it out, but
without Papa, I can’t. There’s more to it, and he’s the only one
who knows.”
“Who put the curse on you?” I shrugged.
“Papa said it was done a long time ago, before I was born.”
Stephanie lowered her brow. “If you weren’t even born, why would
anyone want to curse you?”
“It was placed on our family for something Papa did. He said it
was done out of anger. He said he didn’t believe it at first, but
when my mother was killed, he knew we had to hide or more bad
things would happen. He said if anyone found out about the curse,
I would be taken away. He hid us away for our own good. He didn’t
want the curse to hurt anyone else. I didn’t know about it until
after Donny died. Papa felt it was his fault for not warning me
sooner.”
Stephanie looked at me in awe. She hadn’t moved a muscle or
changed her facial expression in the slightest, as though my story
had struck her dumb. I started feeling awkward and worried that I
had said too much, but before regret set in, she took a seat
beside me and put an arm around my shoulder. “So, what are you
going to do? If you think you’re cursed and you’re putting other
people at risk, how are you going to live?”
I thought for a moment. “I don’t know.”
“That’s crazy, Sophie. There is no such thing. I think he told you
that just to keep you from running off. He knew that if people saw
you they’d find out who you were. That would threaten him.” She
scratched her head; pulling at the hair in one of her pigtails,
making it crooked. “He makes it sound very convincing.” She sat
back with a start. “He must have seen the newspaper article that
ran the sketch. That’s why he took all the mirrors out of your
house. He didn’t want you to discover who you really are. On the
other hand, this is so strange, because if he really thought you
were cursed, a lot of this stuff he did makes sense. That’s
totally wild.”
I thought about the mirrors. I remembered the expression on
Damien’s face when he realized all the mirrors in my house had
been taken down or destroyed. I still had aversions to them, and
rarely gave in to the temptation. They were everywhere at my
grandparents’ home, but I did my best to avoid them, knowing that
God watched and judged what I did.
“When I tell you that I love you, does it scare you?” she asked.
I contemplated her question, knowing I had thought about it many
times before. “It used to, but for some reason I’m not worried
anymore.”
“I think I know why.”
“Tell me.”
“Sophie, I don’t believe in curses or superstitions. I think the
more you’re out in the normal world, you’ll realize all the stuff
you’ve been told is not real. There is no such thing. All this
stuff you father told you isn’t the truth. You’re not cursed.”
What she said completely deflated me. I had trusted her with my
deepest, darkest realities and now she said that what I harbored
and lived with my entire life was just a lie.
“You’ll never be happy if you live in fear like this. You’ll have
an awful life if you never let anyone love you. I think it’s
terrible what he did. He’s the one that’s cursed you with stupid
superstitions. It’s not real. There is no such thing as a curse.”
I was shocked at what she said and felt the need to scoot away,
fearing God would strike her down with a bolt of lightning. “You
don’t believe in God?”
“No. And I don’t believe that how I live my life will determine
how I spend my death. I believe that you do the right things for
this life, not for some afterlife. Everyone around here is so
worried about what’s going to happen to them when they die. It’s
stupid. When my mom died, people actually told me that God needed
her in heaven and that’s why he took her home.” She gave a
disgusted smirk. “Why would God take someone’s mother away? My mom
died because cancer cells overtook her body. It had nothing to do
with God, and it had nothing to do with curses or prayers or any
other hocus-pocus that everyone tries to fill your head with.”
I was still uneasy.
“You were worried about telling me your secret because you thought
I would be afraid of you. And it turns out, you should be afraid
of me.”
“Why?”
“Because I am a bad influence. That’s why I’m not allowed at the
school. I asked questions and talked about things that made
everyone nervous. The other kids told their parents that I didn’t
believe in God and that I attacked their precious religion. That’s
the reason I no longer go to school.” She smiled and pulled me
close. “I’m worse than you. You may lure them in with your beauty
and then kill them off, but I threaten their beliefs and their
chances at eternal life. We make quite a pair.”
Being close to her was a comfort, even though I was still
concerned about what she said. I cared about her and felt her
statements against God would come back to haunt her.
“I know you aren’t just going to believe everything I say. It’s
all been drilled into your head for so long, it will be hard to
change what you believe, but I want to show you something that
will hopefully help you get over all this. We’re going to do an
experiment so I can prove that there is no such thing as a curse.”
I didn’t like the idea and was apprehensive.
“You don’t have a choice,” she said, with a defiant lift of her
eyebrow. “You are my best friend, my only friend in this world. I
love you as if you were my sister. Nothing fatal has happened to
me yet and nothing will. I’ll prove to you that you are not
cursed.”
I felt funny having her tempt fate for me.
“I was planning on killing myself anyway, so this isn’t a big
sacrifice. Quit looking like that,” she chided. Stephanie put her
finger to her mouth and feigned deep deliberation. “Hmm. If you
have the power to kill people, then let’s work on how we can use
it to bump off my stepmother!” She fell back against the soft
forest floor in wicked laughter.
“Stephanie!”
She giggled with delight.
I couldn’t help but smile, even though she had made me out as
toxic. She had heard what had kept me hidden and silent for years
and was still my best friend. She had accepted what I said. She
made light of it in a way that made me feel like nothing I told
her would scare her away. Stephanie was intriguing and confusing,
but I had no reservations that she was loyal and trustworthy. I
had given her the secret of what I feared and what had formed my
life. She had the power to destroy my world by exposing my enigma,
yet I felt assured she would guard it, regardless of her own
doubts about its truth.
She stopped laughing and leaned over to her backpack. She pulled
out a bag of chips and a bottle of soda, and offered them to me. I
took a handful of chips and we sat in silence for a while as we
passed the bottle back and forth. “I think you saved me.”
I looked at her strangely, smiled, and shook my head.
She smiled back. “You did. Now the hard part is going to be saving
you.”
